Now I want to share a passage from Sophia, one of my novels about the life of faith.
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Clarence had not been at the Wednesday service because of an
acute problem over at the school. After celebrating and preaching, Karla
noticed that Thea stayed in church, not going into the parish hall for
refreshments with the rest of the younger set. She stayed on her knees with her
face in the crook of her arm. After de-vesting, socializing a while, and
nibbling on some cheese and a section of tangerine, Karla went back and found
her still there, seated with her eyes closed. An hour had passed, and the
others were already in their prayer meeting.
“Thea?”
She opened her eyes, “Hi, Mrs. Schuman.”
“You can call me Karla. Is something wrong?”
“Everything. But I can’t explain it now. I was hoping to
talk to Clarence.”
“I’m sorry, he’s not here tonight. He’ll be back tomorrow.
Should I ask him to call you?”
“Oh, yeah, I guess, I mean, if he wants to.”
“I’m sure he will.”
“It may be a while before he’ll know what to say or do with
me.”
“God knows everything, though. He won’t let you down.”
Thea sighed. “I never thought I’d be doubting that.”
“Why aren’t you at the prayer meeting?”
“Cause I feel so alone and miserable and they’re so happy,
and I can’t hack it.”
“I can certainly understand that. Would you like to talk a
bit about it?”
“Well, all right.” Thea turned around and took a letter out
of her shoulder bag. “I had a spiritual director who was the head of my prayer
group years ago. We’re not in that group now, but she still directed me, until
a couple of months ago. Then we had a big fight, and I haven’t seen her since,
but she writes me letters. I can’t sleep; I’m accident prone, and weird things
keep happening. I feel surrounded by evil, but she says it’s coming from me.
Well, here, read it.” She handed the letter to Karla.
“Dear Thea, I received a Scripture for you just now: James
4:7-10. Perhaps it will be of some use to you. I want more than I can express
to say that it’s over and we can be as before. I often want to pray for you but
something seems to be blocking me,. I sprained my ankle yesterday, and at the
moment of impact, I saw your face. I have told you many times that guarding our
thoughts is critical, especially as Christians, because they have real power.
Please ask the Lord to deal with the intentions of your heart, those that you
may not even be aware of. I say this out of concern for you, although I must
admit, the ankle hurts a lot, and not in a good cause! Please do no think I am
accusing you of being a bad person or not loving the Lord or even hating me. The
tragedy is that the best people can be ensnared, if they hold anything
back. We have spoken frequently of this. I am under attack right now from so
many quarters that I had to leave work early two days in a row. Do not pray for
me or light any candles. Pray for yourself that your spirit may be purified. In
His Truth, Sophia.”
Karla took a deep breath, silently begging for wisdom. Then
she turned to Thea and remarked, “She seems to have a very harsh opinion of the
state of your soul.”
Thea nodded; tears sprang to her eyes.
“To begin with, I don’t know anybody who’s in
complete 100% surrender to the will of God. So if we’re to be condemned for
holding back even one thing, our salvation is pretty uncertain, isn’t it. As
for guarding our thoughts, by that criterion the earth should have swallowed me
decades ago.”
They both giggled; then Thea answered slowly, “I don’t know
if anyone here can imagine the authority she had, how convincing she was. Even
now, her words sink into me like iron.”
“It sounds as though you allowed her to get some of God’s
power and glory. For that matter, she returned the compliment. Look at the
things she thinks you’re doing to her!”
Thea looked away and swallowed hard. “I can’t dismiss that,”
she answered finally in a low voice. “She’s doing those things to me. That’s
why I’m so upset. I know you probably think I’m crazy, but I’m not crazy. I was
very disturbed years ago, and I’ve been through a lot of therapy, and never in
my life did I experience or imagine anything like this – it has nothing to do
with neurosis.”
“I’m not sure I understand. Do you mean that she is
making you have accidents, and not be able to pray, and get depressed,
and feel attacked by unseen forces?”
“Right.”
“And it isn’t enough just to ask God to protect you?”
“Not if I’ve refused the grace He offered me by sending
Sophia. Not if I’ve wounded His servant and refuse to repent and grieve the
Spirit.”
“What does that mean – grieve the Spirit?”
“It means not wanting to hear or obey the counsels of
wisdom.”
“Thea, listen here. Do you seriously mean that you don’t
want to obey God?”
“No! I don’t know anyone who wants to obey Him more than I
do.”
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Intrigued? Contact me at 9322 Third Avenue #246, Brooklyn NY 11209 and I'll mail you a copy of the manuscript.
Love, Barbara